escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
