based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
