M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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