Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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