U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
