i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
false alarm. still invincible.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
