Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
