i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize