he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
