so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
