Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
