hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
