ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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