i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
