On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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