no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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