dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
