Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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