what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
