Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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