i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
