Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
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