atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
