woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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