Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
