We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
