I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
