I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
