Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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