mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
