Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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