we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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