her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
