I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
