At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
We need to rekindle our bromance
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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