I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
