just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
