after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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