i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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