Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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