you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
