If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize