Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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