For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
