Quick, to the slutcave!
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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