So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
