whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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