Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
