I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
