My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize