I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
