you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
