So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
