You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
