O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
