so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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