you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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