YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
