he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I think weed is turning my hair brown
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize