I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
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