The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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