so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
