Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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