I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
