3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
