I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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