Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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