I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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