Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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