he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
