what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You can't just leave with hair like that
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
