His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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