And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
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I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
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We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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