Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
