I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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