What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
