The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I want her autograph on my taint
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
