You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
