I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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