He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
